No matter who we are, what path we’ve been down, or how wonderful our life has been, each of us is likely to hold on to some form of guilt, however small. We tend to harbor guilt because we don’t understand how to forgive ourselves entirely. It’s one thing to say it. It’s a very different thing to feel it; to do it. I tend to hold guilt for both myself and others. If it’s possible to “over feel” guilt… I do! After recently trying the “Self-Forgiveness” meditation in the Expand app, I found that it made the world of a difference in my forgiveness process.

As I began searching deep within, I discovered that most of my guilt lies on the surface. For some reason, I carry guilt for just about everything, even things I shouldn’t, such as guilt that isn’t my own. So, there’s a lot of it. My sense of compassion for anyone and everyone can and does get in the way—especially when it comes to forgiving myself. So, in the shallower levels of myself that I explored in this exercise, I had to come face to face with all the reasons I feel guilty and accept them.

As I continued to dive into my own depths with the help of the Monroe Sound Science used in this exercise, I was able to access the deepest parts of myself, the parts that tend to get overlooked or ignored. After all, they were pushed very deeply within. This is the part of myself that knows love. But not just any form of love. Self-love. Hidden deep in the depths of my soul is a part of my total self who loves me unconditionally. What was she doing buried like this? I’m not sure, but I’m happy to have found her. I was able to embrace this loving, joyful entity, and when I did, I understood immediately that love is the only thing that can overcome feelings of guilt. Even if I feel guilty for one reason or another, I’m feeling it because of myself, not others. So, learning to access this Malorie who knows unconditional love, to embrace her and heal, was the starting point for my journey of self-forgiveness.

So, in the shallower levels of myself that I explored in this exercise, I had to come face to face with all the reasons I feel guilty and accept them.

Now, forgiving yourself isn’t something that comes overnight. Guilt can be very cyclical, like rerun programs. However, I found that discovering self-love is the key to embracing self-forgiveness. The Expand app helped put that together for me.

Since I’ve been working on self-forgiveness, each morning when I begin my meditation exercises, I’ve added this as part of my preparatory process. After I do my usual prep, I’ll try to reach deep within and feel that newly familiar feeling of love, which goes hand-in-hand with gratitude. To pull forth both love and gratitude for myself, I begin recalling my best qualities. I’ll live in those for a minute or two as I allow the feelings of love and gratitude—and from them, forgiveness—to overtake my emotions. With enough healing and enough time accessing this deep self-love and gratitude, I’ve found that I’ve finally learned to forgive myself. The cyclical nature of my guilt has slowed down, and I’ve felt comfortable in my own self again.

Throughout this process, I’ve also learned more about myself. It’s funny how forgiving I am of others but how unforgiving I can be of myself. I find these little traits about myself and use them as tools to prevent guilt from building up again.

I also can’t recommend the Expand app enough. Not only is it a wonderful place to go and heal, but it’s also a place of self-discovery, exploration and manifestation. There are  exercises for everyone, so I encourage you to try it out. And if self-forgiveness is something you’re called to work on, I encourage you to begin your own journey of healing with Expand.