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April 30

Grief, Fear, Guilt, and Renewal at TMI

A broken heart is an open heart.
~ Jandy Nelson

Few human experiences are more devastating than losing a loved one through death. Whether or not we believe/know that consciousness continues, nothing can replace the relationship our creaturehood permits us—the pure, warm, fuzzy pleasure of connecting with a dearly loved physical being, one who will never again walk beside us. 

When consuming loss is exacerbated by the circumstances of the death, connecting in a meaningful way with a deceased loved one can have a profound healing effect.

The Institute receives heartfelt accounts from participants reunited in TMI programs with loved ones. Recently, two of our staff members experienced such reunions and agreed to share their stories.

Tammy’s Story

If you have attended a program at TMI in Virginia it was probably Tammy Matheny, Registration Coordinator, who first assisted you. She’s friendly and knowledgeable and goes the extra mile for our guests. “We want people to be comfortable and feel welcomed and part of the extended family.”

One overall realization was that the more programs I do, the deeper a connection I experience with my I-There or Higher Self or whatever it may be, even if it’s years in between.

2015-16 was a tough period for Tammy. Both her sister and her mother passed within six months of each other. Several co-workers also died around the same time. Tammy decided to attend the Heartline program to heal her heart.

Then, during an exercise, I entered what looked like a doctor’s waiting room and there was Norma Jean! I asked, ”What are you doing here?” She said, “I’m waiting for you. You know I love you, don’t you?” I turned, left the room, and shut the door.

All the guilt I’d been carrying about whether or not to put her on life support dropped away. In that moment I felt complete. It was extremely significant.

Norma Jean’s death hit me the hardest. Before Heartline I’d felt Norma Jean around me, but never my mother. I intuitively felt that they were okay. I hoped to see them during the program but did not really expect to.

Later, in a group session, it hit me—the recent deaths of co-workers. Grief came on strong with lots of tears. I felt the crystal draw me and I ran to it and felt comforted. As I cried it all out, my dear dog Chester was there. He said, “I am your one source of true love.”

After that, it was one huge release after another. I understood and forgave my father. I saw Mama go to be with Norma Jean and realized that Mama couldn’t have been happy until she was reunited with her first child. I saw that she is now happy.

After Heartline, all grief, guilt, and judgment were gone!

In March of this year, I attended the MC Squared (MC2) program to learn some self-healing techniques and get to know the program. More and greater things happened than I’d ever anticipated. One overall realization was that the more programs I do, the deeper a connection I experience with my I-There or Higher Self or whatever it may be, even if it’s years in between.

At MC2 several amazing things happened. During a healing circle, a wave of energy came into me and released some kind of blockage, which was confirmed by others.

Several major lifelong fears were demolished—fear of water, fear of heights, fear of bridges. At one point as I was working with the fear of bridges, in came Mama, Norma Jean, Daddy, a grandmother, and a huge line of people connected to me. I asked Norma Jean and Mama, “How are you?”  Mama said, “I am at peace.”

Suddenly I realized my fear of bridges was fear of crossing over and interacting with people on the other side. Fear of heights was fear of death. Since that experience, I no longer fear death.

Later, in a group exercise, Mama, Norma Jean, and Daddy showed up again. I felt myself crumble. I began weeping desperately and wanted to leave the program. Then, Mama entered me and became one with me. Deep emotion engulfed me. I felt like I dissolved and reintegrated with Mama. Now it feels great!

In Focus 15 I was with all my dogs.

In a Focus 27 exercise, I saw Mama and Daddy again. An E.T. being gave me a message: “Believe in all possibilities.”


Sandra’s Story

Like Tammy, Sandra Wilkins is on the front lines at TMI in Virginia. When you phone the Institute, it will most likely be Sandra’s cordial voice asking, “How may I help you?” As an Administrative Assistant, Sandra’s wide-ranging skills and experience and tireless energy serve most areas of Institute operations.

I was standing in a field when along came Joe. We talked. He reiterated that he was okay. He held my hand and told me he loved me. He said he was sorry he had to leave his kids.

In 2010, Sandra’s son Joseph Wilkins was killed in a motorcycle accident in North Carolina. There was no chance to say good-bye.

During the years I’ve worked at The Monroe Institute, in the kitchen and then as the Store manager before becoming an administrative assistant, I’d never had any expanded consciousness experiences, nor had it ever occurred to me to try contacting Joe.

Then, this year I attended the Lifeline program. It started off with nothing—all I got was darkness during every exercise. I could not get comfortable in my CHEC unit. Nothing clicked. Frustrated, I felt I might as well go back to work. Finally, I let go and stopped worrying about whether or not I’d see Joe. That’s when things started to happen.

Paul Elder, one of my trainers, played a video of two Chinese kids singing “You Raised Me Up,” a song from Joe’s funeral. That got my attention! In the next exercise, we were guided to create a special place in the garden at Focus 27. Mine was a gazebo. As I looked out from it I noticed a gang of bikers walking by. There was Joe in the midst of them! In life, Joe was a cop and never looked like a biker. He waved to me and said, “I’m okay.”

The next day in another exercise I was standing in a field when along came Joe. We talked. He reiterated that he was okay. He held my hand and told me he loved me. He said he was sorry he had to leave his kids.

I felt happiness and a deep peace. At last, I got to say good-bye. After seven years everything was resolved, the wound healed! I was content.

I now feel much more in tune with what we do here at TMI.

After Lifeline, I received another message seemingly from the other side that had nothing to do with Joe. Decades before I married and had kids and grandkids, I was involved for eight years with a man named Dallas. I hadn’t thought of him in years!

In a healing exercise, we were instructed to connect with a dolphin and to name the dolphin. The name Dallas kept coming up. I began using Dallas the dolphin for healing during and after the program.

Eleven days later I was driving to work and Dallas’s name began repeating over and over in my mind. It became so intense I had to stop the car and take stock. Was I ill? Did I need to go to the Emergency Room? Finally, I went on to the office. There I discovered an email from a relative about a cousin who had died. As I was doing a quick search for my cousin’s obituary, I came across the obit of Dallas the man, who had just passed!

I still use his dolphin for healing.

For more information about the programs and products mentioned in this article visit our programs section or the store.

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Leslie France

Monroe Projects Manager

Leslie’s current role with the Monroe Institute is Projects Manager. She writes and edits for TMI's social media, newsletter, website, and print publications. She contributes to event coordination and project development as needed. Leslie joined the Monroe Institute in 1986 and served in a variety of roles including Professional Division director and publications editor. She left in 1993 to work with New Visions and to launch BlueWebWeaver, offering training and support for Apple devices. In 2009 Leslie returned to Monroe.