One of the things I love most about meditation is using it as a tool to learn more about myself, and part of this comes with collecting pieces of my I-There (my total self) that get scattered throughout various lifetimes, adventures and traumas. Part of an exceptional meditation program (or even an exercise) can be collecting parts of yourself that you have lost, allowing yourself to become whole once again. This is worth thinking about because, as humans, we are constantly evolving creatures. Who I was yesterday is not who I will be tomorrow, as factors constantly come and go, combining, changing and affecting me. But with meditation, I can collect lost pieces of myself, remember who I once was, and process the evolution of my overall being.

The part I love most about this is that, as humans, we are controversial and contradictory creatures. We are, truly and completely, walking contradictions. We can like two topics that contradict one another. We can be both rough around the edges and sweet and inviting depending on who we are talking to or the circumstances presented. So, while collecting pieces of who you once were in a meditation, it’s possible to see that you are, in fact, contradicting your own nature. And that’s to be expected.

And this contradiction found through collecting pieces of myself had never been more vivid to me than when I took Starlines Virtual Retreat at Monroe Institute. As we began to meditate initially on the ideas of space, I resonated with each of the planets and reclaimed parts of myself that had been scattered across the known universe. I used those pieces of myself to help me manifest a fuller picture of who I could be and how I could help in this lifetime and beyond, in a much larger context.

Who I was yesterday is not who I will be tomorrow, as factors constantly come and go, combining, changing and affecting me. But with meditation, I can collect lost pieces of myself, remember who I once was, and process the evolution of my overall being.

And throughout this growth and expansion—which came with a much larger perspective shift—my capacity to view many things at the same time shifted and evolved. And when I meditated with the intention to meet my I-There cluster, this widely shifted perspective on who I was on a greater scale demonstrated that contradiction. I could see so many energetic signatures around me, so many different colors, so many different pieces, some contradicting each other, some existing in harmony … which really presented an articulate metaphor for who we are as beings.

Here is an excerpt from my meditation journal when I first connected with my cluster council:

The energetic signatures have transitioned to black and purple when looking a different way. I see so many people around me once again, all sending me their energy—my I-There. There seems to be a higher dark energy over my mind, a darker thicker representation of everything above me. And a beautiful Laniakea-looking flow of energy dancing around. A contradiction. A dark one and a light one. A dark cloud and a white shining light. I ask about my I-There cluster, and it says I have connected with many other clusters. My openness and willingness to connect with people is, or at least used to be, extreme. Now I am careful with who I let in, but there are new loves and energies in my life that are definitely part of my cluster. My love is a part of my soul, this is known. But there are other smaller pieces strewn about in those close to me.

In the end, all of these parts of me, whether or not they are contracting or compatible, seemed to represent the idea of a rainbow of light. Each piece of me represented a separate entity, a separate color in the spectrum of the rainbow. But like these colors, they also came together to form a bright white light, a representation of who my overall being is as a whole.

The part I love most about this is that, as humans, we are controversial and contradictory creatures. We are, truly and completely, walking contradictions.

We can always use perspective to shift how we view the world, from the tiny atoms that make up our matter to the overall grand superclusters that make up our galaxy. And we are the same, metaphorically speaking, too. We are made up as bits and pieces, constantly evolving and learning and changing. I suggest that you check in with yourself each day, to recognize who you are and the life you’re serving, to actively drop that which isn’t serving you, and to allow yourself to change and evolve into something better and greater—even if it contradicts someone you once were.